Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks life is pleasant, death is peacefull... it's the transition that is troublesome.

   Since I'm now single, if I broke my hand could I put "it's complicated" as my relationship status?

   Don't try to understand everything.. because sometimes it is not meant to be understood... but rather to be accepted...

   Gravity always gets me down...

   wonders...if NASA sends a pregnant woman into space and gives birth...is the baby an alien?

   Women like having four animals in the house: a jaguar in the driveway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskull to pay for it.

   had a party last night... sorry you could not come but your girlfriend did.......TWICE

   wondering if Shaq has my back, how come he never pays my cable bill?

   Sky News "Tree Falls On Bank" Does anyone happen to know what branch ?

   Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.

   Well if Killer Whales kill, I dont wanna know what Humpback or Sperm whales do...

   looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it, it's too risky!!

   Did I study? Nah. Did I buy a fancy pencil? You better beleive it.

   Words of Wisdom: it's easier to change a condom than it is to change a diaper

   was on the street and he saw an ugly pregnant lady, and he just thought, 'Good for you.'

   The Bachelor= The downfall of reality tv. OR was it Ellen taking Paula Abdul's place, OR is it the fact that Howerd Stern may be taking Sinon Cowell's place next season.

   currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!!

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   roses are read violets are blue dont wear a pony tail while training shamu,

   apparently theres a board game named after the Titanic.. whats next, 9/11 jenga?