Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why can I not stop watching the Food Network?

   procastinating now. Don't see why I should put it off......

   quitting smoking is very easy , I have done it so many times

   Men may be pigs.. Men may be Dogs.. But after all its women that get married to them.

   "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt

   Dilemma: Do I wash all my dishes or should I eat my cornflakes in a cup with a knife?

   Acute Gout Attack!! - The Vegetarian's Revenge!

   not waiting another minute for the lab results... the Valentine cookies from my ex-wife look good and I am feeling lucky.

   W.O.M.E.N.: Waiting On Man's Every Need.

   people.with over attitude mid- finger salute..!!:D

   I think my OCD is getting worse. Did I hit post? Wait a minute, did I even type it yet? I'm pretty sure I hit post but am not sure. Yeah, I did. Well, maybe I didn't. I better double-check. Yeah, I did. No, I didn't. Dang!!! What was I going to post again

   doesn't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

   So a whale killed it's trainer? Sounds like... an orca-strated murder.

   heard some folks trying to change the name of Killer Whale to something less threatening. Sea World, Killer Whale was quoted as saying, "I'm back baby!"

   | That whale grabbed the trainer by the ponytail and took her under. That is why that advice to, "remember when working with seafood, to always wear a hair net" is so important.

   Note to self: Stop writing yourself notes. Love, X

   isn't it funny that when your internet goes down, your computer becomes completely uninteresting anymore? ........and you actually wanna go out and have a life?

   If you notice this notice,you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing

   It's terrible how many cable channels are filled with nudity. And how few of those channels come with basic service

   what's worse than the dog chewing your shoe? The killer whale eating your trainer!!!