Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.

   I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.

   Life is like a warm cookie, you think you got it in one peice then it all crumbles

   wondering why that frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

   The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can.

   true understanding can only be achieved through a balanced application of both head and heart...

   we go together like pimps hands and hoes faces

   ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

   does Charlie Daniels play a mean fiddle

   I think I just solved our health care crisis. Everybody eat one apple every day.

   when you're in a hole, it's best to stop digging

   thinking that the Canadian ice dancers did something that their hockey team couldn't do: beat the U.S....

   On 1 August 1981, MTV played the 1st music video "Video Killed the Radio Star". On Feb. 23 1992 "(18 years ago today) MTV played the 1st reality show "the Real World New York" and so began a metaphorical song "Reality Killed the Video star"!

   My Imaginary friend asked he could bring his Imaginary friend round, but I thought 3 was a crowd so I said no!

   Stealth Abs - When your ripped six pack is covered by a layer of fat.

   If actions speak louder than words,then why can't I hear mimes?

   Love is blind. Hate is deaf. You'd think Stupid would be mute but I keep on talking.

   The only thing I won't eat for breakfast is lunch and supper!

   , if love isn't a game then why are there so many players?

   just passed an INCOMPETENCE test with flying colors!