Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Roses are red, Violets are blue, and so are my.......whatever you imagine, thats up to you!

   The Internet: Where men are men, women are men, and children are Chris Hanson.

   HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! May your day be filled with joy and love. Then tomorrow you can go back to hating each other's guts!

   large and in charge... well, one out of two ain't bad.

   I haven't been laid in so long that my %&$$& is singing "Like a virgin touched for the very first time"

   wondering if it's bad when the cops knock on your door, and two others go around back..........and they have a camera crew..

   the best things in life are free *just pay shipping & handling*

   glad that we have today to appreciate such great Presidents as Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, Benjamin Harrison, Rutherford Hayes, and of course... Warren G. Harding.

   "My wife had her driving test today. She got 8 out of 10. The other two guys jumped clear." Rodney Dangerfield.

   I don't mind helping out Haiti but please...stop insisting they need more money. They don't... figure out a way to spend the rest of the $500 million and then talk to me about how "bad off" they are.

   ~Hint to the obvious~ If a fan page or group requires you to invite all your friends on your friend list, it will not do what it promises, unless it promises to piss off your friends.

   All mankind's inner feelings eventually manifest themselves as an outer reality.

   I think the statistic that a man thinks about sex every 45 seconds is completely made up, and furthermore I find it insulting!!!.........................it's more like every 15 seconds......;-)

   ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ

   saw a suburban 'biker' (Ha!) with a sticker on his helmet that said "Americans Never Forget". He then thought about people clamoring for Sarah Palin to be President and thought to himself "Americans DO forget. Oh, yes indeed, they do.".

   a really bad case of the fuckits today!

   thinks it's funny that Evolutionists believe enough million monkeys will eventually type out a literary work. Facebook has proven this wrong.

   Its Friend Deletion Day.... Any Volunteers???????

   just became a fan of I KNOW YOUR A FAN OF "GET A NOTIFICATION OF WHO VIEWED YOUR PROFILE" SO I AM GOING TO CLICK ON YOUR PROFILE PAGE 400 TIMES A DAY TO GIVE YOU FALSE HOPE OR TO THINK I AM CYBER STALKING YOU...

   in front of his home with every electric fan he owns blowing upward, in a defiant act against Mother Nature.....Enough with the snow lady, just go watch "The Waltons" reruns until Spring......