Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just heard that there is snow on the ground somewhere in every state in the union except Hawaii. Global warming, you know. . .

   I'm already a fan of good times, beer, and women..Why would I want to become a fan of anything else?!

   Guys Don't Worry about Today, Your Women Can Be Satisfied with Only 8.5 cm ... and It Doesn't Matter If It is VISA or MASTERCARD !!!

   Happy Single-Awareness Day!

   Now With Extra Pulp, Squeezed Fresh For Your Statusfaction.

   ~ Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.~

   God. I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.

   I just harvested my crops, killed a Mafia Don, fed my fish and deleted my Facebook account

   When you don't know what to say: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

   in need of an ego boost. Maybe she'll take one of those "English as Second Language" courses and really take a moment to shine.

   Happy Valentines Day baby, just to prove my love to you I am going to take you to Red Lobster today for lunch and let you get appetizers and shiattt

   a fear of heights: Jackson Heights, Crown Heights, Washington Heights

   Happy hump day! And no I don't mean Wednesday...

   Happy Singles Discrimination Day!

   Two years ago I married a virgin. And if that doesnt change soon,im divorcing her.

   Ah Valentines.. the day where couples are getttin it on, singles have one night stands, and others hit up the local bar and drink it up

   on the first date, don't let on that the cost of the meal worries you.

   Happy run out and spend money you don't have on things you wouldn't otherwise buy to prove you love someone who if they need things bought for them to prove you love them probably shows they don't truly love you anyway day!

   ive just booked a table for me and the missus for valentines day, should be a nice surprise, dont think shes played snooker before

   feels sorry for his girlfriend on days like Valentine's. It's quite difficult not to be with the wife all day.