Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   maybe if I wear shorts tomorrow summer will come early

   I wanna find a girl who loves me for my money, but doesnt understand math.

   Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

   i live my life like i've missed nothing! I started over and am doing it again

   Snow on da ground.... Snow on da ground... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground....look at ya now... car spinning 'round.... drivin' like a fool when there's snow on da ground...

   If you drink, dont drive. If you drive, dont speed. If you speed, dont get caught. If dont you get caught, dont end up in jail. If you end up in jail..... Dont drop the soap.

   I believe in taking the bull by the horns. Then I believe in steering it in the direction of whoever is bugging me.

   ..is so poor, she can't even afford to window shop.

   the "Pull my finger" joke stinks.

   loves you as much as a fat kid loves cake.

   reminding everyone to Not eat the yellow snow

   - Why pay for a comedian, when you can watch liverpool play football

   We need Facebook Dummies Asap..Because Some OF Yall Say the Dumbest Shi...

   We need Facebook for Dummies Asap..Because Some OF Yall Say the Dumbest Shi...

   welcome to britain, where men are men and women are slags!

   thinks that a decapitated Frog looks hotter than the Jonas Brothers

   She's somewhat of a mixture between a chickenhead and a swallow

   Would if he could: Change his relationship status to "Pimpin'...and it's complicated"

   If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.

   I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome.