Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

   A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

   New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.-James Agate

   stronger than a bear, wiser than a fox, endowed like a stallion.

   Most of you are gonna stay up til midnight to see the new year in.....I'm gonna stay up to make sure 2009 leaves.

   I remember 2009 just like it was yesterday...

   I Wish 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness,52 Weeks of Fun,365 Days of Success,8760 Hours of Good Health, 52600 Minutes of Good Luck and 3153600 Seconds of Joy!

   I hope 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness, 52 Weeks of Fun, 365 Days of Success, 8,760 Hours of Good Health, 525,600 Minutes of Gods Favor, and 31,536,000 Seconds of Joy!

   A man's New Year's resolution of no sex, no beer,no football,no nights out with the guys and no porn started today. He just got married..

   going to need a whole lot of money to buy those New Years Resolutions.

   My resolution -- Is to finally beat my == Haiku addiction.

   My New Year's Resolution is to not use facebook unless I'm going to update my status, make comments or read other people's stuff. So far I'm doing really good!

   ate Oriental flavored Ramen for lunch today, and it tasted nothing like an Asian

   The confetti in times square, I bet that came from Edward Cullen farting.

   thinks it's quite possible that I will be as unproductive today as I was yesterday.

   Happy New Year! Here's wishing my dyselxia better gets in 1020.

   wants to know who threw up in my sink last night? reveal yourself!

   1st day of 2010 and am thinking to my self 365 days of drinking to go, my liver is giving me a finger

   In Soviet Russia, status updates YOU!

   Why is my flashlight always a case for holding dead batteries....