Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pet Peeve #27: When you ask how old a child is and the reply is "Oh she/he's 15 months" Seriously! Why can't it just be he/she is a year old? From now on Imma be like "Oh I'm 389 months"

   Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors???????????????Because if it had 4 it would be called a chicken sedan...........

   taking a laxative and going to bed, i'm tired

   has his food, water, bateries, and flashlights ready for Y2010k! They say it's going to be 10x worse than Y2K!

   ou of coverage area, won't be back till next year.. Oups, I mean next week.

   should not be mistaken for Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, just because there appears to be a large package in his pants.

   tried living every day as if it was his last, but all that did was ruin his credit.

   LEAVING CAPS LOCK ON UNTIL 2010

   officially have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are alphabetical order. AS THEY SHOULD BE.

   "my #1 New Year's Resolution is to make sure that my New Year's Resolution list does NOT expire in about a month.."

   thinks that there's gotta be a Heaven, cause I've already done my time in Hell.

   Walking through walmart filling a cart with one item from every isle then leavin it at customer service. Then I am taking carts out to fill the parking lot stalls to give the 20 employees standing around something to do.

   Many advertisers are taking Tiger Woods' name out of their advertisements because the association is becoming too embarrassing. In a related story, New Jersey is thinking of removing their name from the Nets.

   Applied to be a Porn Star...Was told I'm over qualified.

   bout to go save the world............it's the only place with chocolate

   resolves to do the "Pull my finger" thing more in 2010. That's really what made 2009 one of my best years yet!

   Recent reports indicate MuhamedBob FlarePants was both lonely and depressed. Do you mean all we have to end the war on terror is to prescribe them Prozac and give them a puppy?

   A gas station is a place where you sometimes fill the car, but more often drain the kids

   Lady Gaga is the reason why waldo is hiding.

   They say bears are attracted to women on thier menstral cycle. Brave bears! Women don't have anything to worry about though because I think a 800 pound bear against a 100 pound women with cramps, it's pretty much a even fight don't ya think? In fact my mo