Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

   Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for 'lesbian'. It has been changed to 'vagitarian'. 

   's age is very inconsistent, I wouldn't be surprised if it changed again next year.

   never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version.?

   If it wasn't for my random sputterings insane ramblings and wild hallucinations I'd be as normal as you.

   A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.  He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing...... 

   was surprised to find a Christmas present from last year while getting the decorations out. The kids were all excited as I opened the box. What a pity it was a dead puppy

   Talk about global warming..I just saw a Tiger on the Appalachian trail

   reminding you that Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

   not fighting his way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

   borrowing money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

   knows God is no mechanic, but he gives great repairs!

   if good girls sit on santa's lap, do bad ones sit on his face?

   wanders if a turtle lost it's shell would it be homeless or naked? :)

   smile it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth

   Question: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down? Answer: He heard the snowblower coming!

   Harry Reid is a cotton head ninny muggin

   According to a new poll, 26 percent of unemployed adults blame George W. Bush for the high unemployment rate. The other 74 percent blame the fact that they majored in English literature.

   sometimes I feel like a crayon in a box full of markers...

   just been diagnosed with as serious case of idontgiveacrapitis.