Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   brakes for unicorns.

   thinks it's obvious that a guy created google...i'm feeling lucky?

   JUICE BOX TIME!

   the oldest he has ever been.

   puts the fun in funeral

   never steal... the goverment hates competition!

   A poll found that 55 percent of shoppers start their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The other 45 percent are men.

   I should have guessed that huge red toy on the wall at the sex shop was too good to be true! Oh well. I might be $50 shorter but I now have a fire extinguisher for the home!

   whats the difference between a SUV and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards...

   The police officer asked Tigers wife "how many times did you hit him ma'am?" She responded "Oh, I don't know, put me down for a 5"

   if it weren't for the presents and money think about how terrifying it would be to our children that a fat man, a fairy and a giant rabbit break into their houses every year...

   i still think womens clothes look best on the floor.

   Name: If girls have period pains, guys should be kicked in the balls once a month

   it safe to have unprotected text after a period?

   says here's to honor...get on her and stay on her!

   Tiger's latest voice mail message "Hi Kobe, it's Tiger....can you give me the name of that jeweler you told me about".

   she will name her first cyber baby after you ;)

   im like buger king and your like mcdonalds il have it my way and yu will be loving it

   Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!

   See,,, I told you it would fit!!