Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders if balloon boy's parents are kicking themselves for not crashing the White House party instead?

   Feels bad for dads taking their sons to the girls shopping aisle to get a nice pair of tight apple bottom jeans. Keep your heads up dads. This emo style wont last long.

   Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and The Biggest Loser....On TV at the same time tonight...makes me wanna eat chocolate cake then go throw it up....

   Dont you just love X-mas time. Its the only legal stalking month. You know what I mean.. Someone pops out of the mall..you follow them and a nice slow stalking speed..Waiting ..Then you know its time to attack..Got the parking stall. Mission accomplished!

   The secret is Victoria is actually Victor!!!

   how are you supposed to read lady gaga's po po po po poker face, if it's all covered up with all that wierd cr*p?

   A president with a MYSPACE?!?! WOW should we really trust this guy?..

   They say lifes a b1tch and then you die. I say lifes great. The only b1tch thing about it is dying.

   Tiger's wife is willing to forgive him if he changes his name to Cheatah.

   wondering if everyone expecting it now finally realizes the only "change" is in their pocket.

   she was my cream, and I was her coffee - And when you poured us together, it was something.....

   Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still sh*t your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough sh*t.

   I WILL BE COMPLETELY HONEST FOR 24 HOURS...You can ask me 1 question (only in my INBOX). Any question, no matter how crazy, sinister or wrong it is. You have my FULL honesty, but I DARE you to put this text on your status and see what questions you get!!

   Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

   You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass

   woke up and thought his alarm clock was laughing out loud at him... Then I realized I was looking at it upside down, it was 7:07

   why is it when there is a 50-50 chance of doing something right, 90% of the time you do it wrong

   finally reached the Apex of Standardized Suckitude

   This Friday, the offical Christmas tree was delivered to the White House. Unfortunately, the Secret Service had already let in three other trees that claimed they were on the list.

   time to stop draggin my tush (not literally like dogs do)...gotta get a move on