Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   does not know that the bird is the word.

   "I" before "E" except after "C"...... WEIRD...

   Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

   there sure is going to be a lot of people losing their virginity in the year 2012.

   am no gynaecologist but am gonna look anyway!!!!!

   I am perfection in the realm of understanding without comprehension in the abyss of normality.

   switching up on you ordinary b!tchesss.

   What did that nurse say? Brain damage? F**k I was born during an earthquake.

   The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.

   i made a starteling discovery this morning, apparently someone broke into my house last night and stole my "baggie" jeans from last year and replaced them with "skinny" jeans

   badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom!

   Only Robinson Crusoe had ever everything done by Friday.

   Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me?

   says When you go to the drug store to buy condoms, ask them where the fitting room is

   wishes Carrie Prejean would stop sending me video tapes...I told her it is over.

   your "sofa king we todd did"

   the only break in life you get is when you die. Live life to the fullest. Be who you are and let these mortals know who you are, They will never forget you.

   wondering why noses run and feet smell?

   out like janet jackson's right nipple! g'nite! =)

   if you notice this notice, then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing