Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you fart and it doesn't stink, should you be concern?

   Don't forget to set your country back 50 years today!!

   [] <- This is my box. I don't want to think outside it, I like my box! No, you can't touch my box! No touchy my box!

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample ovee others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   I was driving to fast and to furious this morning and had to swerve to miss a tree, only to realize that is was an air-freshner hanging from the rear view mirror

   I ran over a big fat guy in a red outfit last night.

   I've just clicked on my phone's front camera by mistake, Yoh never been this terrified in my life!!!

   I thought Super Bowl LI was a Pho Soup special at a Vietnamese restaurant.

   Balls - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your girlfriend with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

   My girlfriend said she wants our relationship to be like a fairy-tale. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.

   OMG the internet is broken. I just searched for pictures of bare naked ladies and all I found was a bunch of pictures of old fat guys.

   It looks like Turkey did take Trump's economy threat seriously. Gee, what a surprise.

   🎵I'm dreaming of a White Castle Just like the ones that we all know Where the square buns glisten and I am wishin' That there's no chunks I'll have to blow 🎵

   If a prostitute gets pregnant from a client, can she call the National Accident Helpline?

   I married my wife for her good looks but not the ones she's been giving me lately.

   When you get to be my age, older women interested in younger men are no longer classified as Cougars. Especially in my case. They're more like Laughing Hyenas.

   The After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna Lunch: Leftover lasagna Dinner: Leftover lasagna Dessert: Leftover lasagna Beverage: Fresh squeezed leftover lasagna

   There was a break-in at the local Apple Store. Police are looking for iWitnesses.

   I notice that mitch mcconnell sounds like James Cagney when he played a gangster in the movies ?

   We were so poor, that when I was a baby I instead of wearing diapers, my parents paper trained me.