Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1 of 6373

   messageicon According to my chocolate calendar, there are only three days left until Valentine’s Day.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re not happy single, try dating apps. You’ll still be single, but you’ll appreciate it a lot more.
←Rate | 04-29-2022 00:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m like an avocado, I’m only pleasant for a short period of time and it’s up to you to figure out when that is.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendly reminder to put all current boyfriends and girlfriends at the edge of family photos so that they and easily be cropped out later.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When today’s safety meeting is about what you did yesterday.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Places finger on cop’s lips ~ “Shhh…. We were both speeding, okay? I forgive you.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quiz question: Would you rather be stuck on an island all alone or with someone you hate, and why? Answer: I would rather be stuck on an island with someone I hate, so I would have something to eat.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop bringing crappy Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came out into the woods to hear Katy Perry.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah, you’re made of star stuff, but so is garbage, so calm down.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using your turn signal is not “giving information to the enemy.”
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m going to need some of you guys to start getting weirder, I cannot keep pulling all the weight like this. 😏
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alien: I found this, (picks up cat) it’s vibrating.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My emotional support dog after spending a day with me. Dog: Drinks a 5th of vodka and chain-smokes non-filter cigarettes.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:23 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left