Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Damn!! Its worrying! Even Osama bin laden is not safe in Pakistan!

   Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child. I saw that movie.

   Miss the days when rappers used to rap about real sh*t, now they rap about candy likes its gangsta to eat a lollipop.

   You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie.

   my status is just an another update on the wall !

   i didn't know Jonah Hill was gonna be on Dancing with the Stars ...this should be interesting.

   Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way.,,

   I'm pretty sure when Charlie Sheen said he had "Tiger Blood" in him, he was referring to the golfer, not the animal. duh!..Winner!

   I guess ima go to school in my boxers tomorrow since it's pajama day

   hopes the walls stops moving before his manager notices he's drunk

   Im not sure if its your bday or not so I'll give you a HAPPY and maybe send the BIRTHDAY later

   The only thing to believe in is to not believe in anything.

   Donald Trump's approval rating has dropped to 37%. Norman Bates scored higher with his mother.

   Neighbor are the only one who lissen to both side of an argument.

   Yesterday evening on 60 Minutes was the first time for a lot of men that they didn’t have to verify that they were over the age of 18 before they seen Stormy Daniels.

   If I learned anything from our great president, it's that I should abandon all my allies and embrace all my enemies.

   Writing a book - it's about a good looking high level general in an Islamic country that wants to change his daily routine. So he makes a deal with a world power to fake his death. In return for his intel, he gets a massive payout & 70 hookers in Miami!

   Women are like dog doo, hear me through, don't interrupt It's just the older that they are, the easier they get to pick-up

   Kim Kardashian in the White House is, Kim Thong Un.

   the USPS should make stamps of Donald Trump just so everyone can say "I have a 'Trump Stamp' "