gil Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "Thank-you Robert Kraft and R. Kelly!" - Jussie Smollett
←Rate | 02-22-2019 21:27 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would like to announce my candidacy for mayor of Facebook.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 12:48 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ziplock: making a fortune off potheads since 1980
←Rate | 04-05-2011 16:08 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‎"It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden. It was our job to arrange the meeting." - United States Navy SEALS
←Rate | 05-02-2011 19:51 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just changed all my passwords to "incorrect", so my computer reminds me every time I forget...
←Rate | 04-11-2011 16:30 by Gil Comments (1)  

   messageicon I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 16:38 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
←Rate | 09-11-2017 12:46 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: POST OFFICE RAISES 1ST CLASS STAMPS FROM 46 CENTS TO 49 CENTS: Really???.... couldn't you just say 50 cents and save 2 slots in your cash drawer and millions of hours counting change??
←Rate | 01-24-2014 18:00 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon To pay for my funeral, I'm going to sell tickets and DVDs of my death-bed confession and I will be accepting bribes from people to be left out of it.
←Rate | 01-08-2013 17:03 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are women and children always the last survivors in horror films?
←Rate | 09-25-2019 18:53 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks Sesame Street for telling us Bert & Ernie are not gay, but I'd like to hear it directly from Bert & Ernie.
←Rate | 08-12-2011 11:30 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Of the 33,000 deleted emails, I think 32,000 of them were confirmation emails from Amazon for pant-suit purchases.
←Rate | 09-26-2016 22:53 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twitter was invented to teach women how to communicate silently in 140 characters or less.
←Rate | 04-28-2011 17:26 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think we'll be seeing a lot more of Alec Baldwin on SNL the next few years.
←Rate | 11-09-2016 05:27 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just think how interesting facebook would be if there was a "cheating on spouse with _______" relationship status
←Rate | 04-27-2011 00:14 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‎"There goes the neighborhood" - Spongebob Squarepants
←Rate | 05-03-2011 01:53 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon We're up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn't they just create a weekly TV series?
←Rate | 07-19-2013 17:00 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I listed the Federal Government as a dependent on my taxes this year
←Rate | 05-12-2011 15:22 by Gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Too big to fail"...."Too big to jail"... same thing
←Rate | 07-05-2016 17:21 by gil Comments (0)  

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