Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Social networking is like a club. Twitter is the dance floor, tumblr is the bar and facebook is the people crying in the toilets.

   For some people, being able to speak 5 different langauges just means they can be annoying in 5 different languages.

   Midwife - People helping people get people out of people.

   if you need any more proof that people's self perception is skewed, just look at their avatars. How you weigh 500 lbs but your avatar is 120 lbs. at best?

   To the people I forgot, you weren`t on my mind for some reason and you probably don`t deserve any thanks anyway.

   doing a study on paranoia by following people around town in my white Crown Vic with 4

   people saymotivation doesnt last.well,neither does bathing-thats why we recommend it daily.

   I'm already deleting my drunk Facebook status updates, and it's not even tomorrow.

   If your eyes are positive you would like all the people in the world.But if your tongue is positive all the people in the world like you.

   When I turn around, people throw me a welcome back party.

   i love the people who say their company is priceless!!.. to me if it lacks a price, it more likely worthless!!

   Dear Facebook, please remove the instant "share" button. The newsfeed was no much cleaner when people were just too lazy to copy and paste.

   Some people live one life, then tweet another.

   Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant, I'm just getting drunk

   If being interrogated counts as talking to people then yes, I've been talking to people.

   The number of people killed because alcohol is easily offset by the number of people conceived because of alcohol.

   I always feel so bad for homeless people. So when I see one, I always stop and show them a really big "frowny face". That way they don't realize how much fun I'm having with all my money and stuff.

   The only exercise some people ever get is: running their mouths, jumping to conclusions & pushing their luck.

   There are three types of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who cant.

   People who live in glass houses shouldnt smoke crack!