SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages
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I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
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Who else had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once?
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If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.
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I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
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What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
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Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don't trust it. Everyone knows it's impossible to drive without eating the fries.
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When I hear "Tropical Depression" I think of Toucan Sam sitting in a rain-forest crying.
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Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando a few times in your life.
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A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.
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I'm surprised by the violence in Syria. I really thought the World Peace sign at the end of Madonna's halftime show would work.
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I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I'll take a Dirty Hammock."
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All I did was walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch and now my name is Trent, my shirt is off, and I'm really into shell necklaces.
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I always go the extra mile. The restraining order says I have to.
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So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? "Bob hurt one bird. He's very sorry."
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I think if my rich neighbor realized just how awesome of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation.
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The economy is so bad that Anglina Jolie is adopting American kids now.
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If A-B-C-D didn't drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn't have to be so rushed.
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May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
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The coolest thing about being a dog must be the ability to use your own ass for a pillow.
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Dora has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.
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