Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If I go into a restaurant with two other people I like to say my last name is Stooge, just to hear the hostess call out "Stooge, party of 3"

   accidentally turned off his facebook anti crap filter and was scared by the amount of quizzes, farm, fairyland, mafia and virtual f&cking cupcake crap you people post, if it wasn't for facebook purity I would delete alot of you

   When I'm drunk and in the woods, I always have the urge to try to juggle squirrels.

   I am good at posting statuses with percentages that I pulled out my ass. If you are one of these people or know someone who is, please repost this. 97.4% won't copy and paste this. : )

   wasnt that drunk...... "Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story"

   "I wasnt that drunk.." ... "bro you threw my parrot into a wall screaming "ANGRY BIRDS! " @___@

   thinks some people should not be allowed to drive, reproduce, or breathe........and especially not all at the same time

   Statistically speaking, roughy 118% of all people over-exaggerate.

   I can't afford a police siren so I just taped a crying baby to the top of my car. It's working, people are moving out of my way.

   Fat Tuesday, the day obese people look forward to. The day they think it's socially acceptable to wear leggings and belly shirts. It's not.

   "I wasn't that drunk" 'Dude, you were in my closet yelling "Where's Narnia"

   Facebook Skype: now married people can cheat via Skype while watering their crops on FarmVille.

   Donald Trump could be a huge step forward in race relations. He can be a voice for the orange people.

   People, I'm late for everything!!! I would make the worst period.

   All stick figure people are black and all of the family stickers on peoples cars are white

   We were not created! We evolved! Religion is for people who can't comprehend such a thing.

   People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.

   The only acceptable excuse for not being drunk on a Saturday night should be poverty.

   If you're having a weird pain today remember, tons of people die from that stuff all the time.

   how come there’s nothing in the bible about people who step on the back of your shoe then it comes off? christianity is okay with that?