Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   informed that I had offended some people with my statueses. Solution: I deleted them

   I swear to god some people you meet make you think "why didn't their parents use a condom?"

   I need a job where I can punch stupid people all day.

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   Life doesn't change. Only the people in it.

   If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

   For fun, I like to tase people at renissance fairs, it makes me feel like an evil wizard.

   "Drunk Posting" is worse than "Drunk Texting", because instead of one person thinking you're an idiot, EVERYONE does!

   Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then they discover once a year is way too often.

   I never understand when people say that the Mona Lisa was Leonardo da Vinci's best work. He was pretty damned good in the Titanic if you ask me.

   The Internet is a lot like ancient Egypt, people writing on walls and worshipping cats

   I feel like homeless people were once kids who decided to build a blanket fort but then just kinda stayed there

   If really good-looking people are "eye candy" I guess that puts me somewhere around the "eye broccoli" category.

   Cool people are just idiots wearing pricy clothes

   Why is it that the people who tell you to relax are almost always the source of your anxiety?

   If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.

   I hate it when people who are holding a device capable of using Google ask me stupid questions.

   Fat people just want to get into your pantries.

   Shout out to all the people on my friends list who have hidden me from their wall, and are unable to see this post.

   If you're an American who feels that you are represented in your government, please contact me. I love people with imaginations.