Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Facebook's friend suggestion section should be renamed to "People you know, but probably hate."

   The absolute best way to get revenge is to sit back and watch while people destroy their own lives just by being themselves.

   Dear Parents, do your job, and quit having other people make your decisions for you. Buy your damn kids a dog without posting for likes. -The Whole Damn Internet

   Whenever I see signs that say ‘slow pedestrians' or ‘slow children playing' I can't help but picture people in helmets playing in the street.

   people may not think I'm a big deal here, but in Munchkinland everybody looks up to me and I'm a huge success.

   You know the incredible thing about hearts is their unbelievable capacity for forgiveness... You'd be amazed what people will overlook when they love someone...

   I wish that some people wouldn't talk to me in the morning until I've had my coffee. (I don't drink coffee).

   9 times more people are killed by falling coconuts than by sharks. I CANNOT WAIT for Coconut Week!

   I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.

   It's rush hour and a million people are going West and a million are going East. We should either swap jobs or swap houses

   People are like snowflakes. I only like them on Christmas.

   When I find a phone book on my porch, I know that reverse time travel is real. It is people from the past just messing with me.

   I wish people would get upset at NFL players punching their girl friends as much as they do about not standing for the flag.

   When I meet people, I choose whether I like them solely based on if I think they would be fun to get drunk with.....

   There are only a few people I can say “You're one of the few friends I enjoy being with more in person than on Facebook.

   Nobody ever wants to give BiPolar people credit for being really great half the time.

   I hate when people are trying to talk to me when I'm in the middle of doing something really important... like being awesome.

   hey single people..tomorrow is officially 'rebound day' after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in 'epic fail:

   Knowing when to shut the hell up is a gift very few people are born with.

   I'm just here for the relationship advice from single people.