Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dude that girl that was at the party is dating a little person. He just came in with a mini keg and I laughed at him then he flipped me off with a little person finger and I laughed harder and they made me leave. come and get me...

   Gavin Rossdale has admitted to a gay fling when he was younger.. In a related story, a gay dude admitted to making sh!tty music for 15 years.

   I hit my snooze button so much on my alarm clock I renamed it Tina Turner.....or Luca.

   Hey Vi@gra, you have a real competition for curing the erectile dysfunction... it's called divorce.

   To honor John Lennon's death, Newt Gingrich suggests hiring children from poor neighborhoods to clean Yoko's bathrooms.

   wasnt that drunk...... "Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story"

   B.O.B = Bacon Over B!tches

   "I wasnt that drunk.." ... "bro you threw my parrot into a wall screaming "ANGRY BIRDS! " @___@

   Youtube isn't just popular because of the videos, its popular because of the attractive video TITLES.

   ■Does anyone else realize that in about 40 years, we'll have a million of old ladies shuffling around with tattoos?........ ( all I can say is ,,Ha,Ha,! )

   When I'm down on a woman I'm never thinking outside of the box.

   I found a butterfly on the ground that had no wings. So, I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... it drowned.

   Ugly hoes, you can NOT have attitudes! You need to be nice, cause your looks sure ain't getting you nowhere!!!!

   Just remember - there's no 'I' in gangbang

   I eat Burger King at every whoppertunity

   just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

   All the immortals survived St. Paddy's Day I see? Let us mere mortals now join our brethren and worship at our place of choice to further along that regressive human trait known as hypocrisy.

   I'm currently killing a twelve pack, and every squirrel within fifty yards of my porch. Love me some Saturdays.

   I bought a Dale Earnhart GPS on eBay but it just keeps telling me to turn left. I swear it is starting to drive me up the walls.

   I'm sick and tired of the games requests on Facebook. If it doesn't stop Imma be forced to play Facebook's Version of "My foot in ya ass."