Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I dont understand why dentists in toothpase advertisements have stethoscope around their neck...

   My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.

   I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough

   The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you

   Black Friday? Don't they already get February?

   Ghetto word of the day: HOTEL. My momma said she ain't gonna tell Shaqueta nothing else cause that hotel every thang she hears.

   Fellas : not a day should go by that your lady doesn't hear she's beautiful .

   We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm. Thanks to all who served and are still serving our nation.

   Who cares if my grandkids aren't gonna see a polar bear? I didn't see a dinosaur

   going to wear underwear on the outside of his clothes tomorrow to see if people assume he's crazy, or a superhero.

   ...The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

   my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out

   I'm going to change my name to 'Benefits' Now when you add me on Facebook it will say "You are now friends with benefits."

   How to freak someone out. 1. Find someone on Facebook with the same name as you. 2. Steal their profile picture. 3. Poke them.

   Al Sharpton...Please go crawl back under the rock you came from.

   The NFL has hired their first female referee... She will throw flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.

   There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a 'Don't eat me' note on it. Now there's an empty plate with a 'I don't take orders from cake' note on it.

   when you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you will have more opportunities.

   Kate plus eight is being cancelled, I think we can all together say eight times....thank God!

   My family loves the Patriot Gaurd Motercycle Riders who shielded us at my nephews military funeral. At the next military funeral I want to also invite the Hell's Angels to give the same love to those protesting hatemongers that they give to others.