Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 806 of 5593

   messageicon When you love someone truly and unconditionally, age, distance, bank balance, height or weight is just a damn number.
←Rate | 05-06-2011 02:46 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still updates their MySpace profiles
←Rate | 05-09-2011 10:51 by @iTechnoBoy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been invited to a Post-Rapture looting event but I replied "Maybe attending" because I've also been invited to a Judgement Day event and I need to see how that goes before I decide for sure....
←Rate | 05-19-2011 17:29 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one ever says, “It's only a game,” when their team is winning.
←Rate | 06-22-2011 21:33 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you pull up to a red light and the car next is on their phone step on the gas and brake, and watch how far they go
←Rate | 09-13-2011 19:19 by Ed Status Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
←Rate | 04-05-2011 18:43 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Devil came in all his glory to tempt and recruit me, realized who he was talking to, apologized, and asked me for a job application instead.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 01:03 by Danny Comments (0)  


   messageicon Work would be so much better if there was nap time, recess, and gym.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 00:25 by Will Comments (0)  


   messageicon When moving walkways in airports warn me to watch my step because, "The walkway is coming to a end", my first thought is "I'm moving 2 mph, that is ridiculous." Then when I get to the end all I can think is "Oh crap, I better not mess this up."
←Rate | 03-04-2011 23:36 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. ‘Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I, a microwave?
←Rate | 05-12-2010 08:19 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I made eye contact with someone in traffic and then didn't let them merge. I feel like a James Bond villain.
←Rate | 05-14-2010 19:00 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon knows one thing about the speed of light -- It always gets here way too early in the morning.
←Rate | 06-09-2010 00:36 by RON \"ronny.jain@gmail.com\" Comments (0)  


   messageicon says single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and then go to the fridge..........


   messageicon While I may not always return the affection of those who like me, I always admire their good judgment.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 12:45 by Mark Elliott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna play airport?
←Rate | 11-23-2010 17:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next year we should just skip to 2013. Problem solved and a cool story for the history books.
←Rate | 01-03-2011 17:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon categorically denies all allegations......Next question
←Rate | 01-22-2011 13:35 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the list of things NOT to do today....play with killer whale.
←Rate | 02-25-2010 18:16 by peedee Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many mimes have died because no one believed they were choking..
←Rate | 03-27-2010 17:10 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon changing the name of MTV to Empty V. Thanks to shows like the Hills, this channel officially sucks balls now
←Rate | 07-09-2010 16:25 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left