snotty Funny Status Messages

   All I'm say'n, Is in the past thirty years, the baby to dingo ratio has gotten severely out of hand.

   Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?.. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?

   I bet Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses are the highest level Pokémon Go players.

   Dear Fellow Americans,,, Can't we just all agree to write in "literally anyone else" on our ballots this November?

   Leia walks into the bedroom to find Han staring at himself in the mirror,, holding bagels over his ears.

   *Sees a truck: Nice... *Sees a trucker: Oh, impressive... *Sees a truckest: Ah yes,, This is what I came for.

   Cow-tipping cop: Do you know why I pushed you over?... Cow: *sighs... Yes.

   911: Sir, I understand you think it was an aggressive move, and against your will,,, but we can't arrest an auto flush toilet.... Me: BUT I WASN'T READY

   [Kool-Aid Man watching the presidential election].. I dare you to build that wall, you son of a b**

   "It didn't make him stronger" - My gravestone, prolly..

   Gameshow Fact: Every time a girl buys "a D",,, Pat hip-thrusts off camera.

   There is no way Hollywood could remake "The Ring" for millennials,,, because none of them would answer the phone.

   Remember yesterday was September.... So,, Only three more months of summer

   I'm OK with the French beach laws,, but the KKK shouldn't be allowed to wear their burkas either... *Ya know,, fairness

   I remember back in the 80s,,, BEFORE the Internet really existed,, that MTV used to randomly Rick Roll everyone.

   *Bites into a grilled cheese sandwich*... *cuts tongue*... Wtf,, this IS sharp cheddar

   [God creating bees].. And,,, Put a needle on it's butt... ANGEL: “Come on God, wha—?“... GOD: Oh, and make it's puke delicious... ANGEL:“Can we just call it quits for the day?”... GOD: NO, and I want you to paint stripes on it..

   Oh, you’re a ceiling fan?... Name three ceilings then... Yeah,,, I didn't think so

   Ironically, Seattle's Marco Polo Motel does not have a pool.

   If Santa Claus had a FB account,,,, none of us would get presents.