Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make! Then they call me ugly and poor.
←Rate | 05-06-2012 03:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn't enough
←Rate | 02-08-2012 15:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to scare burglars off. First, put pictures on the wall of you with a tiger. Second, put a cat litter box in your hall and sh$t in it.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 21:22 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon My brother took being sent to prison really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we vowed never to play Monopoly again at Christmas...
←Rate | 01-02-2013 13:35 by @ballysboots Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are few guarantees in life but if you see a grown man riding a bmx, he knows where to score some meth
←Rate | 08-04-2012 12:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 10:50 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon High School Reunions: Trying to replicate that which was never so great to begin with.
←Rate | 02-25-2013 06:53 by Mc Fazzerino Comments (0)  


   messageicon A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
←Rate | 03-04-2013 17:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon after I ask the magic 8-ball, I get a second opinion from the bobble-head..
←Rate | 03-11-2013 19:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is "My god how does he drink his beer??", You might be an alcoholic.
←Rate | 04-02-2013 01:06 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men say women should come with instructions. Hello! When was the last time you saw a guy read the instructions?
←Rate | 04-08-2013 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor gave me a prescription for anti-depression meds but my Bartender is having a hard time reading his writing...
←Rate | 10-23-2012 09:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day... Teach a 4 year old how to turn on the TV,,, and you can sleep for an extra hour.
←Rate | 12-08-2012 10:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know if you're an attention seeking b*tch? Check your Facebook status, and if it reads something like 'having the worst day ever!" ... Bingo.
←Rate | 04-12-2013 10:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looks like Mother Nature is pulling Winter's Band-Aid off one hair at a time!
←Rate | 04-14-2013 16:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
←Rate | 04-19-2013 06:11 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people's attention. I hate them more than the scratch on my Lamborghini.
←Rate | 07-12-2013 13:16 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am sorry, I can't be a part of this diabolical act. Just kidding. I'll get the shovel.
←Rate | 07-26-2013 02:30 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't hold grudges but my ignore game is beast mode
←Rate | 08-20-2013 17:47 by fadolo Comments (0)  



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