Funny Status Messages

   Remember when we treated the flu with chicken soup, saltines and tea instead of commmunism?

   "Once you go black, you never go back!" I shouted as I threw my 3 week old bananas in the trash.....

   Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.

   People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.

   I'm joking about 90% of the time & the other 10% is me being condescending.. Do I need to explain the difference to you?

   You know you have been SINGLE enough when you start making up abbreviations of the word SINGLE like the loser below.

   seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..

   I am pretty sure that my cute neighbor thinks that I am a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook, Twitter and in her diary.

   People are not mirrors, They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.

   When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me

   YES!!! I kenw it!!! The world will not end in 2012 - I just found a bottle of ketchup that expires in 2013...

   The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

   Bummer about Yahoo losing market share. You can read more about it at Google News.

   I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation....

   Spell SWIMS upside down... this is going to blow your mind!

   when I was a kid the "parental control" button was a belt.

   Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

   Facebook needs to add "still banging my ex" as a relationship status option.

   I CAN'T STAND BLACK GIRLS WITH BLONDE HAIR . LOOKING LIKE A DAMN DURACELL BATTERY

   You really could help childhood obesity by eliminating school zone speed limits. Make those little chubsters run when they see a car coming.