Funny Status Messages

   Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself

   There's a difference between who we love, who we settle for, and who we're meant for.

   Just a friendly reminder that the world supposedly ends in 74 days.

   I think the greeter at Walmart should apologize to you when you walk in the door.

   Next time someone tells you "Anything is Possible", tell them to go slam a revolving door...

   I like how ninja turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity. It's not like you're a giant turtle or anything.

   Dogs: OMG YOU'RE HOME! I LOVE YOU!!! Cats: greetings human. as you may have noticed, my food bowl is empty...fill it..I'll be on the couch.

   People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.

   I'm old school when it comes to video games and by that I mean I turn into a senior citizen who yells "which one am I?" every 30 seconds.

   I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I'm afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.

   A woman has sued a hospital, stating that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sex. The doctors replied: 'All we did was correct his eyesight'

   Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.

   I switched to Herbal Essence shampoo and sadly discovered that I do not have a G-Spot on top of my head like those women in the commercial.

   Loser cleans up the yard signs.....

   Why isnt there any black friday deals at the liquir store....

   Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind.

   If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!

   Since the world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.

   My anti-aging face cream gave me acne. No need to go that young, L'Oreal.

   Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.