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Page: 643 of 5577
I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a soberphobic.
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03-18-2012 11:43 by
@clarkysj
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If you don't think anyone loves you or cares about you, gimme me a call...I'll confirm that for you.
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03-19-2012 20:21 by
BEGO
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A guy in a Smart car just flipped me off, which is about as adorably menacing as being cursed at by Teddy Ruxpin
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03-22-2012 09:37
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Hey Sun-chips way to go,, making a Bio-degradable bag that's so friggin loud my neighbors can hear my junk food addiction,,
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03-30-2012 13:05 by
snotty
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Why won't the machines just take over already? I'm tired of doing stuff.
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04-02-2012 11:25 by
Maureen
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Edward Scissorhand's death was probably from running.
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04-07-2012 14:56
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What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Patient.
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04-15-2012 08:49 by
Nobody
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Dick Clark has passed, we cant ring in the new year, well played mayans, well played
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04-19-2012 03:20
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My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
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04-28-2012 07:37 by
snotty
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Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest natural resources which must be preserved at all costs.
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05-05-2012 08:02 by
Everybody
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BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
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05-15-2012 21:10 by
BEGO
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You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives here.
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05-19-2012 13:43 by
Czovczov
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Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They're only powerful when you got your back turned.
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05-30-2012 17:56 by
Marshall the Great
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just enjoying a nice hot bath with candles and a glass of wine and then the neighbors came home. I have never seen them so mad.
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12-30-2011 14:32
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Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
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01-04-2012 05:31
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If you think 7 years of bad luck are to much for breaking a mirror.. Try breaking a condom
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01-08-2012 08:03 by
hihuggiehi
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The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn't enough motivation to get off the couch.
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01-12-2012 11:10 by
SuthernFukr
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Mayor Bloomberg is going to outlaw large sodas. Good to know that New York City is officially out of legitimate problems to deal with.
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06-14-2012 00:38 by
gay jeffrey
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It's so hot outside, Our hummingbirds are demanding red gatorade!
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06-28-2012 18:34 by
Jerry Carter
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Whenever my parents talk about 'the good old days' they always seem to stop at 1979. Which is pretty cool, because that's also the year I was born... wait... what?
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06-28-2012 21:48 by
Marshall the Great
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