Funny Status Messages

   People who hate hand gestures: I salute you.

   Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.

   showed my son the switch that makes the fridge light go off when the door closes. He looked at me like I'd just shot Santa in the nuts.

   Ever have one of those days when you just want to go home and take a long hot bath with a small electric kitchen appliance?

   Dear Algebra, All year you made me try to find your X !!! Listen buddy...She's not coming back....So please get over it and move on!!

   I'd swim the ocean for you... LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.

   Traffic is moving pretty fast today, so I've decided to stop in the center lane open the hood and bring things back to normal. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!

   Willy Wonka One of your Oompa Loompas have escaped. If you are looking for her, she is on Jersey Shore.

   This girl walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean." Hard of hearing the man says "come again?" She replies, "no mustard."

   Nice guys finish last... because they make sure their women come first ;)

   Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying.

   when I die.... my older posts will keep you entertained forever.

   Maybe the economy wouldn't seem so bad if we put happier pictures on money. Like George Washington on a jetski.

   I've had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver

   Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle

   BEER!!!! now cheaper than gas...DRINK......DON'T DRIVE!!!!!

   Dear windshield wipers,...You cant touch this.....Sincerely, The triangle

   I think next time I'll go ahead and press "2" for Spanish. Maybe I'll actually get someone who speaks English better than the person on the "English" line.

   So if someone invites you to their wedding, it's apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can't make it but I'll come to your next one".

   I was flipping through the Victoria's Secret catalogue and now I have a craving for ribs.