Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I got a little over-aggressive on the trampoline so my 2 year old should be landing in a couple of minutes. 
The problem with frozen yoghurt is that it's not ice cream.
All a woman wants is a strong, confident, capable man who will wear whichever shirt she tells him to.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I'm lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
That moment you realise you're a result of sex.
The downside of being tolerant is all the stuff you have to tolerate.
Don't ever change for anyone. Nothing is worth compromising your beliefs. Unless it's for money.
That 3D ultrasound photo you posted is scaring the sh*t out of everyone.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik's Cube. If you kids don't know what a Rubik's Cube is, it's what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones.
If we wait patiently, eventually we'll all play Batman in a movie.
Am I the only one that thinks the "Affluenza" Mom looks a heck of a lot like Carrot Top?
..... Judging by the way some women wear makeup it's rather obvious they didn't excel at coloring as a kid ....
GERMAN. Scientist "I've created super broccoli to fight heart disease"... U.S. Scientist "I've created a way to stuff an oreo inside another oreo"
As I admired my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get kicked out of this Home Depot any minute now."
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
I wanna get rich enough to say to someone "nonsense, you can stay in our guest house"
Current relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
LinkedIn is just a dating site for people with a job right? 