Funny Status Messages

   If Facebook shutdown people would be in tears, shoving pictures of themselves in other people's faces yelling "DO YOU LIKE THIS?! DO YOU?!"

   Some people repeat themselves when they're drunk & some people repeat themselves when they're drunk.

   You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?

   In hell, you have to find the start to scotch tape over and over

   That was insensitive. I asked you to stop being stupid without considering how incredibly difficult that must be for you.

   Holy Crap!! I was sitting there wondering why no one was posting and thought I was the only one left... Its All Good.. I accidently logged into my MySpace account.. That was a close one!

   When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up it's the same thing as having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.

   If you are wearing Uggz with cargo shorts, you need to get your life together!!!!!!

   I̶'̶m̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶s̶t̶u̶p̶i̶d̶!̶ I'm not with stupid anymore

   I know God doesn't make mistakes but I question some of the places he put hair on the human body.

   Yield signs should just be a picture of a dude shrugging his shoulders.

   reminds parents of children under 3 years to refer to their kid's age in years, not months. It's a child, not cheese.

   Facebook needs to add a maybe button for friend requests, some people deserve to wait for a decision to be made.

   I felt sorry the hypnotist I saw last night He hypnotised seven men then dropped the microphone on his foot & yelled "F*ck me!".. What happened next will haunt me forever!

   If you're happy and you know it, share your meds.

   Brush your teeth or please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.

   bubblewrap under his bedsheets, so during the "Heat of Passion" it sounds like FIREWORKS going off!

   Tonight I'm leaving my sobriety at home, along with my indoor voice and any behavior that can be mistaken as 'ladylike'.

   Friday is like a bra... You did your job all week, now it's time to take it off!... anyone need a hand??

   I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I'm hating me for Liking your status. !!!!