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“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
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03-31-2015 09:03
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It's racial profiling when a waiter in a Chinese restaurant gives me a fork.
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06-24-2014 01:08 by
Baddie
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Sorry I can't go out tonight, I can't find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
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08-08-2014 01:18 by
Baddie
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*Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
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10-04-2014 17:12 by
snotty
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Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
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10-27-2014 13:11
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Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
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11-07-2014 00:33 by
Baddie
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"Lets not judge a whole race by the actions of one mad man." All races are asssssshooole equally.
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06-18-2015 17:40
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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
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09-14-2015 11:22
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Russian and Ukrainian troops in Crimea are involved in a tense stand-off. The latest reports are that France has already surrendered....
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03-05-2014 17:22 by
@ballysboots
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Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
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11-18-2011 14:54 by
SEAN
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Always carry $100,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feel like getting a sandwich from an airport.
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11-18-2011 14:59 by
SEAN
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Great Black Friday deal!!! : Sleep..... $0
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11-25-2011 09:57
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Ever see one sneaker in the road? How does this happen? Does a jogger get home look down at their feet and say "Not again...lost another one"
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12-10-2011 06:06 by
flinnie
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go search google for let it snow. very cool effect.
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12-17-2011 22:43
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My girlfriend has this sick sexual fetish of trying to cuddle with me after sex.
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12-19-2011 03:00
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I have some bad news and a Justin Bierber CD. Which one would you like to hear first ?
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01-11-2012 23:33
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How I view dogs: Beagle, German Shepherd, Poodle, Pitbull, Labrador. How I view cats: Cat, cat, cat, cat.
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01-18-2012 22:17
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My neighbor asked me to look something up on my "internet machine".
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01-23-2012 17:02 by
K-Mac
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The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
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10-18-2011 09:35 by
SuthernFukr
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Yeah, I felt bad rejecting her friend request on Facebook, but come on! Isn't it enough that I'm in a relationship with her? Now I got to be her friend too?
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10-23-2011 21:05 by
Marshall the Great
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