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Page: 605 of 5593
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
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03-31-2011 14:31 by
brandy
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I was so angry when I found my wife's profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn't “fun to be around.”
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06-21-2012 08:48 by
SuthernFukr
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Thinking about memories with my Ex makes me look forward to Alzheimers
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01-04-2012 13:36
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Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
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06-07-2011 11:51 by
Marshall the Great
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Turns out, "Cowboys & Aliens" is NOT about Arizona's immigration laws.
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08-01-2011 11:30 by
SuthernFukr
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No, you may not "axe" me a question. I don't speak welfare.
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05-23-2012 17:42 by
Aaron
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They should make Harry Potter brand condoms Protect your slytherin from hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.
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07-30-2011 00:36 by
SuthernFukr
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Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
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08-19-2011 13:25 by
Aaron
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Charlie Sheen is now suing the tsunami that hit Japan for replacing him as the biggest disaster on TV.
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03-11-2011 23:20
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The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 7 more times before then.
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12-19-2012 07:16 by
Marshall the Great
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Life is weird. You can go from being strangers. To being friends. To being more than friends. To being pratically strangers again.
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05-03-2013 21:25 by
BEGO
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If I owned a copy shop, I'd only hire identical twins to work there.
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06-22-2013 22:57 by
snotty
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MILFs nowadays are 16 years old.
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12-05-2011 13:40 by
@dj_soltrix
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Happiness is a cop car turning his lights on behind you and immediately going past you.
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10-27-2010 20:12 by
Marshall the Great
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2
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I just got home from the convenience store where I saw two homeless people making out. It was gross so I was about to yell "Get a Room", luckily I caught myself just in time
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01-07-2011 01:03 by
scottyp
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Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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01-08-2011 08:42 by
Dany6814
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I'm just sitting here thinking of all the absolutely incredible things that I could accomplish this year. That is, of course, if I gave a sh/t....
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01-08-2011 22:22 by
scottyp
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reminds parents of children under 3 years to refer to their kid's age in years, not months. It's a child, not cheese.
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11-04-2010 21:05
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Facebook needs to add a maybe button for friend requests, some people deserve to wait for a decision to be made.
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11-23-2010 14:18 by
Marshall the Great
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1
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bubblewrap under his bedsheets, so during the "Heat of Passion" it sounds like FIREWORKS going off!
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02-02-2010 22:51 by
Tommy
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0
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