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My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids' menu!!
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02-22-2012 09:28 by
SuthernFukr
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If Target sends you coupons for rope, garbage bags, and bleach, abort the mission. They know too much.
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02-23-2012 09:50 by
SuthernFukr
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The fact that Mitt Romney has a son named Matt Romney kinda makes you hope for 3 more sons named Mett Mott & Mutt.
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12-31-2011 08:35 by
SuthernFukr
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My head says, "go to the gym." But my heart says, "stay on the internet forever and eat!"
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01-06-2012 13:09 by
fadolo
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Can you imagine the panic that ensuses when the actor who plays the Mayhem character in the Allstate commercials boards a commercial flight?
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01-17-2012 11:21 by
Chuck
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If Facebook gets any slower, I'm just going to jog to each of your houses and shout out stuff.
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01-25-2012 09:50 by
Griff
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Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
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01-26-2012 11:20
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When ever My wife is cooking, I like to walk up behind her, slowly stroke her hair and whisper into her ear... "Let's order a pizza."
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04-01-2012 20:57
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If you LOVE something, set it free.. If it comes back to you,,,,you love a boomerang
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04-11-2012 06:50 by
snotty
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I saw a guy fall off his bike this morning. He looked around to see if anyone saw his fall. I made sure to make direct eye contact.
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12-03-2011 14:01
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We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
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12-12-2011 12:24 by
BEGO
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YouTube is the only way you can see MTV playing music.
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12-14-2011 15:08
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I haven't had sex for about 1 year, 4 months, 24 days and 56 minutes. It doesn't bother me though.
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10-15-2011 12:58 by
@clarkysj
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Welcome to America:You can be the valedictorian of your class, go to college, get a Doctorate's Degree, get a really good job, and you're still not going to make as much each year as Snooki.
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10-26-2011 01:55 by
g0re
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wonders why the trojan condom was named after something that broke through a wall & let thousands of unwanted ppl in?...terrible product naming
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11-03-2011 22:34 by
Eddy
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Wow the liquor store clerk just said he's worried about me. I think it's time for a change. To a less judgmental liquor store.
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11-11-2011 08:07 by
Marshall the Great
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Pumped for the series finale of the U.S. government!
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09-29-2013 18:15 by
HiYourJon
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FYI: When each one of the Golden Girls died, the remaining ones gained their power,,, and now Betty White is an immortal highlander.
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10-19-2013 21:53 by
snotty
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I never know how much Cream of Wheat to make for the trick or treaters.
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10-28-2013 20:19 by
snotty
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Kanye West spoke at Harvard, just in case you were wondering about the direction of the country.
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11-18-2013 13:02 by
Baddie
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