Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Sometimes I wish animals could talk....then I remember all the things my cats have seen me do when I'm alone and I'm very grateful they can't. 
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
Ok, let's stop saying “Happy New Year” to everyone. It's January 7th and it's just awkward.
Your not old until your toenails look like Frito chips.
Fact: the domestic Cat remains the only species that's trained humans to clean up poop in exchange for conditional love.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
When you open your heart to someone, there is blood...... LOTS and LOTS of blood... And then you die. So don't open your heart.
Sleeping in could easily be my superpower. If not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee.
My Life: Wake up, Survive, Sleep.
I thought we were gonna buy Mexico, Then fix it up & flip it... What ever happened with that?
OMG!!! Direct TV is no longer showing Viacom channels... How am I going to watch 16 and Pregnant now? Oh.. wait.. Walmart. NEVERMIND!
If I come to your house and you say "make yourself at home", don't get mad when I take my pants off and drink your beer.
now a days...all the little rascals would have been removed from their homes and the parents would be facing neglect charges
Mark Zuckerberg is 28 today and is worth $100B. Reminds me of when I was 28 and was able to purchase groceries without selling plasma.
Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
I hate when I plan out a conversation with someone in my head and they don't follow the script.
Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus, not a Ford Multi-task.
The next time someone annoys you so much you just wanna slap them… Do it and say, “Mosquito” and quickly walk away.
Site Links
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com
