Funny Status Messages

   A man's idea of helping with the housework is lifting his legs so you can vacuum...

   this status has been made from 90% recycled status posts. Just doing my part to keep Facebook Clean and clutter Free.

   I fear the day Facebook decides to inform users of who has viewed their profile...and how many times.

   I accidentally said “LOL” today. I think I deserve to be shot.

   Evidently that good Samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.

   Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

   I don't care if you don't accept my friend request. Just thought you'd like to see what we say about you on our wall!

   Men... They have 30 year mortgages, 5 year car leases, 2 year cell phone contracts and a lifetime gym membership and then they say they're afraid of commitment!

   if you're going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair.

   Stupid bloody garbage trucks waking me up at noon.

   “Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember”

   - Definition of Keyring---A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your f**king keys at once.....

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

   thankfully does not live in a yellow submarine.

   You know it's resolution time when someone has to stop to rest on the way up the stairs TO the gym.....

   - Oh Facebook, you go through more Design Changes than I go through Women.

   Could you put some creativity in your pics. Nobody wants to see you make the same face 8 different ways.

   You post constant status updates about what TV show you're watching and what you're eating for dinner. You're not allowed to whine when people get excited for football once a week.

   A bad Walmart greeting just ruins the whole experience.

   wouldn't mind seeing the cast of "Jersey Shore" stuck in a coal mine for a couple of months. No TV cameras allowed.