Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   What does "prices too low to advertise" mean? Are they afraid if they advertise the price that too many people will want to buy it?

   Try this yourself. If you take two fingers and push your cat's ears down he will look just like Yoda.

   Sometimes I talked to myself because I need expert advice.

   I hope Mexico doesn't raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.

   We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

   Remember when 'sex,drugs & rocknroll meant something other than 'sundays, anti-depressants & turn it down?'

   You want to gauge how dumb people are these days? No, don't look at Dept. of Education stats, SAT scores or even IQ's. Listen closely to someone ahead of you at a fast food drive thru place an order.

   If General Mattis runs for president in the next election, will his campaign slogan be "Mad Dog 2020"?

   Majority of the guys in the women's right march are 30-year old virgins who still live in their mum's basement. Most of them will be m asturbating on Valentine's Day and have never seen a live v agina in their pathetic lives.

   I just found out ISIS has been using porn sites to send subliminal messages! This explains my urge to run out and buy fertilizer every day...

   911 is useless,they dont even care that I cant find my remote!

   Would it be smart for a department store to promise “we won’t check to see if you paid!” .... I wonder how long they would stay in business? .... Anyways, That's how the American Voter registration works.

   You made a video of me and my friends? Well Facebook, who told you they are my friends?

   Some say laughter is the best medicine. I prefer sedatives.

   Lesson learned: Never try to make pizza dough in the washing machine without first turning off the hoses. Okay. Never try to make pizza dough in the washing machine, period.

   I don't drink water anymore, not after what it did to the Grand Canyon

   The definition of a Canadian - An unarmed American with Health Insurance!

   My doctor needed a stool, a ur-ine, a se-men and a blood sample. I gave him my underwear.

   It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".

   Well, Groundhog Day has been a bust. As Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow, he was immediately detained and subjected to extreme vetting to determine whether he holds anti-American views. The ACLU is protesting and demanding his release.