Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's so cold now, when I turn on Netflix I call it "Netflix & get chilled"

   I had this stupid female waitress taking out order. My friend asked for a Caesar salad, she then asks: "What dressing?" My brain almost imploded.

   My New Years Resolution for 2016 is to stop procrastinating.

   I'm a proud member of the LGBT community: Liquor, Girls, Baseball and Tacos.

   My favorite form of gratification is instant.

   Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....

   I'm a proud member of the LGBT community: Liquor, Guns, Bacon and T|t$.

   I realized how pathetic I am,,, When the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignored my knock knock joke...

   If you want to know if Santa has you on his “nice” list,, or his “naughty” list,, Just ask Russia,,, and they'll just hack it for you.

   Yup.... No matter how old you are .... an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube will always become a Star Wars light saber.

   Dear Santa: This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body ... And please don't get it backwards like you did last year!!!

   I think this Christmas Eve it would really be nice if we all went over to MySpace to wish Tom a Merry Christmas ....... poor guy.

   When your kids become teenagers, it's important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.

   NOTICE: To the people who have flashing blue and red Christmas lights in their yard.....can you remove them, please? Every time I pass by, I think it is the cops and I have to remove my foot from the gas, slam on the brakes, put my seatbelt on, throw my p

   I must be emotionally impotent, I haven't given a f**k in months

   Do you work on computers , cause your D**k is Micro and soft .

   So I read that Uber is going to start using self-driving cars to drive people around... Which is a great idea.. But I'm just thinking, if a car drives up to my house to take me somewhere with nobody in it.. I'm pretty sure I just got myself a new car...

   Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler....So straighten up and fly right

   I AM SO READY TO KISS 2016 GOODBYE!

   Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.