Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing....

   Glad Kim K is ok, heard the whole thing was a mix up, the robbers car broke down and they thought she could hook them up with a Tranny

   Kim Kardashian held at gunpoint and made to put her clothes back on.

   It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most …

   Heard those ruthless and heartless thieves forced Kim K to put her clothes on first before robbing her.

   These robbers did not need guns, they could have threatened Kim K to put her clothes back on and she would have still fully cooperated.

   If your in the grocery store with your new iphone 7 and pay with food stamps don't be surprised when I slap that phone out of your hand.

   Do I have to hear about these Clowns for 28 more days? O me bad make that 35 more days my math is not so good anymore.

   That moment when you want to hit on the bank teller but realize she'll see your bank account balance

   Frankly Auto-correct, I am getting tired of your shirt!

   I just apologized to a bug for killing it and I instantly became a Canadian citizen.

   I'm old enough to remember using the ash tray in cars for cigarette butts ..

   *shines flashlight under chin... 'And the phones were attached to the walls and didn't have cameras'.... *teenagers scream. Two pass out

   A true beer drinker never look at his beer as Half Empty .... He looks at it as Half way to his Next Beer ...

   Got so bored at work today I actually started doing my job!!!

   I hope the guy who stole my Debit Card enjoys his $12.69 shopping spree.

   Hillary: What kind of genius loses one billion dollars in one year? Answer: What kind of genius loses 6 billion dollars, 4 American Lives, A Laptop, 4 Cellphones, Three Tablets, & 33,000 emails all while serving as Secretary of State?

   Obama loves the Poor so much that he created Millions more.

   Don't stand up for the national anthem = USA hater. Don't stand up & pay taxes to support the national infrastructure = genius businessman?

   I'm going to write a book of inspirational quotes & then I'm going to jump off a bridge because I want my readers to be thoroughly confused.