Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I clicked on a link and it said "Attachment Unavailable". That's dating in a nutshell.

   Sometimes Jesus counts unlimited breadsticks, as one of His miracles.

   The only thing worse than Penn State honoring Joe Paterno before the Temple game would be if Temple honored Bill Cosby.

   Dug up a questionable bone in my backyard and re-buried it because ain't no one got time for an investigation.

   Just not sure if this is a sign of the apocalypse, but I just saw a tow truck towing a tow truck.

   I hope Tropical Storm Hermine gets upgraded. Only because I think 'Hurricaine Hermine' sounds like a 1950's pro wrestler.

   Did you know, I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house.

   I live in Los Angeles. We already have Taco Trucks on every corner, and it's wonderful!!!

   Facebook just changed their relationship status with SpaceX to "it's complicated."

   Gonna write something about All Lives Matter but I suddenly saw Jared Fogle trending again.

   You know Samsung has a problem when they include a "my phone battery exploded" emoji in their messaging service.

   For the next week, out of great love and respect, I'm calling my willy Wonka.

   There is no way Hollywood could remake "The Ring" for millennials,,, because none of them would answer the phone.

   Gameshow Fact: Every time a girl buys "a D",,, Pat hip-thrusts off camera.

   "It didn't make him stronger" - My gravestone, prolly..

   [Kool-Aid Man watching the presidential election].. I dare you to build that wall, you son of a b**

   911: Sir, I understand you think it was an aggressive move, and against your will,,, but we can't arrest an auto flush toilet.... Me: BUT I WASN'T READY

   Trapped at work with nothing to do and no internet/bad phone reception. Realizing how boring my own thoughts are.

   Every time a fat girl posts a picture of herself on Facebook with two skinny girls it always looks like a Wilson Phillips album cover.

   Why can't journeys ever be fraught with pizza?