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Once I participated in a "Nice Guy" 5K Run..... We all finished last.
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07-09-2012 12:26 by
snotty
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I try not to be rude, but some of you make it hard work.
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11-12-2011 12:45
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"Try the morphine, it's excellent today."
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12-14-2011 11:48
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Life is a comedy for those who think, a tragedy for those who feel, and a pie eating contest for me
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12-14-2011 21:10 by
Lauren Moro
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You could probably torture a woman by duct taping her mouth and making her apply mascara.
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12-23-2012 10:57 by
Czovczov
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To learn patience, you must wait for a woman to get dressed. But you'll probably need an anger management class first.
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02-10-2013 07:12
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I had so much coffee I made it to work in under 4 minutes but I forgot to bring my car!
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07-17-2012 22:01 by
BEGO
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My toddler just grabbed a slice of pizza, folded it like a pro, and took a bite. It was like watching a paternity test come back positive.
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08-04-2012 12:14
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I wish I loved anything as much as people in yogurt commercials love eating yogurt.
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08-10-2012 08:50 by
flinnie
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Just how bad do you have to be for someone NOT to remember having sex with you?
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08-18-2012 04:39
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I'm single by choice. Not MY choice, but it's still a choice.
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08-19-2012 04:05 by
flipphonescott
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My wife said "Good morning " and that's how the fight started.
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09-11-2012 14:39 by
Czovczov
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If you dance like no one's watching you, you will never get laid.
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10-04-2012 14:28 by
Czovczov
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Doesn't like being told what to do unless he is naked
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10-06-2012 04:13 by
equaloppjoker
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n't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don't know what ironic means.
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10-06-2012 11:18 by
Baddie
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If you're worried about peeing on your necktie, then the answer is yes,,, you've tied it wrong.
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06-29-2013 07:43 by
snotty
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"Is that one of them porn machines?" - My grandpa, whenever he sees an iPad
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07-16-2013 12:36
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"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
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08-09-2013 14:19 by
snotty
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The show catfish just shows how many functioning illiterates are out there
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08-19-2013 13:08 by
@jfraze707
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Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
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08-29-2013 13:47
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