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Page: 533 of 5593
n't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don't know what ironic means.
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10-06-2012 11:18 by
Baddie
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I had so much coffee I made it to work in under 4 minutes but I forgot to bring my car!
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07-17-2012 22:01 by
BEGO
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My toddler just grabbed a slice of pizza, folded it like a pro, and took a bite. It was like watching a paternity test come back positive.
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08-04-2012 12:14
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I wish I loved anything as much as people in yogurt commercials love eating yogurt.
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08-10-2012 08:50 by
flinnie
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Just how bad do you have to be for someone NOT to remember having sex with you?
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08-18-2012 04:39
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I'm single by choice. Not MY choice, but it's still a choice.
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08-19-2012 04:05 by
flipphonescott
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Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early and I am too.
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05-03-2013 15:06 by
Me
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My morning bowel movement would be a lot more relaxing if it happened at home or at work instead of during my commute
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06-13-2013 18:26 by
snotty
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Ladies, if you are not that good an artist on paper, what makes you think you are a good artists on your eyebrows? Stop domestic violence against eyebrows!!
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06-16-2013 09:13
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You're not stupid, You're just an exceptionally gifted monkey.
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06-19-2013 04:32 by
equaloppjoker
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If you're worried about peeing on your necktie, then the answer is yes,,, you've tied it wrong.
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06-29-2013 07:43 by
snotty
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"Is that one of them porn machines?" - My grandpa, whenever he sees an iPad
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07-16-2013 12:36
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"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
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08-09-2013 14:19 by
snotty
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The show catfish just shows how many functioning illiterates are out there
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08-19-2013 13:08 by
@jfraze707
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Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
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08-29-2013 13:47
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The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…
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09-09-2013 12:26
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You could probably torture a woman by duct taping her mouth and making her apply mascara.
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12-23-2012 10:57 by
Czovczov
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To learn patience, you must wait for a woman to get dressed. But you'll probably need an anger management class first.
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02-10-2013 07:12
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Just remember, If we get caught you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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02-15-2013 19:25
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Many things can be preserved in alcohol, dignity is not one of them...
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03-05-2013 06:36 by
YODA
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