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Grand Thaft Auto Go, New mission steal that car and kill everyone. Available Soon 
i know I'm fat cause every time I pass a buffet my phone joins its wifi network
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
The local car wash had a special "Brazilian Wax", now my car's carpet is gone....
I'm known all over the world for my exaggerations.
When it comes time to vote and your only choice is between a liar and an orangutan
Dear ... Hillary .... We know you ...... That is why we can't .... and shouldn't .... support you ....
If your choice ever gets down between a "Liar" and an "Orangutan" .... You should know that even an Orangutan can be controlled ..... but a Liar .... Will.... ALWAYS ... deceive......
..... Heck ..... I was really surprised to see Barack Obama Cracking a joke while talking about the latest Terror Attack in Munich ..... But ... Then again ... It was Obama so maybe not ....
Time doesn't exist. It's an exclusive construct derived from the primitive human mind. - I tell myself as I set my alarm for 5am
I don't understand why they called it "WebMD" when they could have called it "Sickipedia."
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
Imagine my embarrassment at getting caught in the rain without a piña colada.
I wish I were full of tacos instead of emotions.
When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends
Juan Valdez is more Patriotic then the Clintons
The DNC is going to be so interesting that BLM leaders are going to stop shooting Africans to watch.
People that say " I hate to break it to you" can't wait to break it to you!
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