Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   ’m not an alcoholic. I’m soberphobic.

   Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

   Fourth of July coming up in a few weeks. The big concern is illegal fireworks. But enough about North Korea.

   The problem with this generation boils down to: Their cartoons suck.

   Honestly in 56 years, I've never seen anyone fall because of a banana peel.

   Let me see if I understand soccer. A yellow card is a warning, a red card means you have to leave the game, and a green card means you can move to the United States.

   Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

   If you watch the Mighty Ducks backwards it’s about a hockey team that starts sucking so bad that the coach leaves and becomes an alcoholic.

   Todays advice: If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don't mind it at all.

   Everyone talks about global warming, but what about global humidity?

   TERRORISM - This is what happens when you indoctrinate people with fairy tales that have no basis in reality.

   May the shooter's 72 virgins be all males.

   .... If gun control worked then Chicago should have transformed itself into Mayberry by now.

   getting low on groceries so ive been munching on the bulk pack of tums from costcos all day. I think there giving me heartburn

   .... If you insist on using illegal Fireworks for the 4th of July this year .... Please make sure you remove the sombrero first.

   MAKE AMERICA DRUNK AGAIN - thats the only way we are going to get through this election.

   Hello, 911? I would like to report someone lying on Facebook.

   THAT CHEWBACCA LADY IS REALLY GETTING ANNOYING NOW, SHE LOOKS LIKE MY EX.....

   Tell me how many bottles you have on your bathroom sink and I'll tell you how many women you live with. 20 bottles? Buddy, that's one woman.

   With all the technology these days, you'd think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away