Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   No GPS,,, I will not take the road less traveled. I live in Maine,, Have you seen Deliverance?

   It looks like the joke will be on Hillary if she wins. She'll have to sit at the same desk Monica Lewinsky knelt under.......

   If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate,,, they'd have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Susan is already taken.

   .... Turns out those Hillary and Bernie signs make really great firewood .....

   According to the Americans with Disabilities Act, Led Zeppelin has to build a ramp of a width of 36 inches next to their Stairway to Heaven

   I drink alcohol because my shrink says I shouldn't keep things bottled up.

   Am I the only person wondering why Bernie Sanders never joined the military to someday be a colonel?

   Hey boys and girls, If Bernie Sanders is a "Conscientious Objector" to all wars ...... How Could He , In a SANE WORLD, Possibly Become the COMMANDER IN CHIEF of the military?

   the S or the C silent in the word scent?

   I'd like a service that a nurse will come to my house at 5am and give me an IV so my hangover is gone by 7am when I have to be to work.

   I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::...:::::

   I tried making some rabbit stew this past weekend, but my wife complained that there was a hare in it.

   When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.

   It’s prom time. One year, I had to take my cousin to the prom. I don’t know who was more embarrassed — him or me.

   Never purchase the trial size version of Colgate toothpaste and leave it on the bathroom counter next to your CVS Hemorroidal Cooling Gel. You may feel refreshed down below, but your breath smells like sh*t.

   I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.

   My wife said she bought the lingerie from Victoria Secrets for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I don't get women.

   I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I honestly thought you already knew.

   Calling someone “stupid” is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it’s just a diagnosis.

   I want to start a band called "Day Job" so that when we play and people say "don't quit your day job" I'll be like "thanks we practice a lot".