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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Had to take the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me...
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03-19-2016 16:59
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One thing I've learned about women is they prefer that I don't speak
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03-19-2016 18:29 by
Snotty
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So if daredevil sees everything like it's on fire when he looks in the mirror does he see himself as the human torch?
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03-19-2016 19:15 by
SlowMotionNinja
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just like the calendar says, I "SAT" around all day today
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03-19-2016 22:13 by
Eddy
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Wow!!! Madonna exposes 17-year old's breat during concert, teen calls it the best moment in her life. Hmmmm....I thought all of Madonna's fans were all adults in their 40's and 50's.
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03-20-2016 05:10
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Fact: 69% of people find something dirty in everything they read.
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03-20-2016 05:12
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Proper Etiquette In 2016: Don't casually shoot someone while reading the manual of the gun you're shooting them with.
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03-20-2016 05:16
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I've seen so many bathroom selfies in my life that now I cannot tell if someone is sexy in real life unless they are standing near a toilet.
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03-20-2016 05:18
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Fattening Tip: You can pour melted ice cream on regular ice cream. It's like a sauce!!!
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03-20-2016 05:21
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Saying "Do I smell popcorn?" right after someone farts, so everybody takes a deep breath.
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03-20-2016 05:24
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My dream in life is to be a guest on the Maury show.
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03-20-2016 05:35
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I'm excited this Easter to eat like the 1% and drink like the 99%.
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03-20-2016 05:41
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So looking forward to all the Easter weekend mattress sales.
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03-20-2016 05:43
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Some people will not try bacon for religious reasons. Good to know, more bacon for me.....
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03-20-2016 05:46
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People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
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03-20-2016 05:48
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One good tip to make the Outback Steakhouse more authentic, all the staff should speak Australian.
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03-20-2016 05:53
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"Don't Kid Yourself" would be a good slogan for condoms.
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03-20-2016 05:55
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"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Oops, I'm now sitting at my work's disciplinary meeting dressed as the Easter Bunny.
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03-20-2016 06:01
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I may be the only one without a bucket list but my fucket list is getting rather long....
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03-20-2016 06:03
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The best memory of American Idol is when Ryan Seacrest tried to highfive a blind guy with Kelly Clarkson winning a distant second.
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03-20-2016 06:07
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