Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I never heard of her either. Amanda who ?

   The 13 year old girl I was chatting with just told me she is a police officer. Amazing.....she's only 13 and already has a strong work ethic..

   Why America is screwed... People like Chumlee on Pawn Stars is making money on TV instead of manning a fry station.

   Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs. His wife, Hillary got $8 million for hers. That’s $20 million for memories from two people who for eight years repeatedly testified under oath, that they couldn’t remember anything.

   Not feeling smart today? Just remember there are grown adults who actually still actually believe Hillary Clinton.

   I have alot of good personality traits,,,,, I just don't happen to have them on me at the moment.

   In China it's considered bad luck to be eaten by a lion.

   My husband was holding the baby monitor watching her sleep, and I asked him if he wanted another one. He thought I was offering to go get him another beer.

   I don't need a thesaurus I know a lot of very very very good words

   am I the only person watching Fuller House waiting for Bob Saget to tell the daughters how he met their mother?

   (1st day in heaven)... Me: Whoa, is that Elvis?... Angel: No, it's an impersonator... Me: Wow, is that... Angel: Listen man, all we got is impersonators

   KKK is part of the democratic party...

   Girl Scout cookie season is specifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year's resolutions.

   GERMAN. Scientist "I've created super broccoli to fight heart disease"... U.S. Scientist "I've created a way to stuff an oreo inside another oreo"

   My phone is on its 4th charge for the day. So don't talk to me about commitment.

   I have the paper towel usage of a much wealthier man.

   Submarines are safer than airplanes because there are more airplanes in the sea than submarines in the sky.

   My phone autocorrects "Lil Wayne" to "LOL Wayne" - so I guess it's right sometimes.

   Yesterday I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She cried and then she hugged me. FML.

   Apparently,,,, The first rule of Fight Club is to get caught looking at another woman.