Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon That moment when ya reach down t'ween your legs to pull the handle to slide your car seat forward, but it won't move, so you keep try over and over to only realize that from the outside it probably looks like you're vigorously humping your own forearm
←Rate | 12-18-2015 16:35 by paulyanez Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Mother in law Joined ISIS this morning.. She leaves tomorrow on a suicide mission.. At least that's what the papers I just signed said ..
←Rate | 12-18-2015 19:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that in the long run, sex for money usually costs a lot less.
←Rate | 12-18-2015 19:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the shelf life of an Elf on a shelf ?
←Rate | 12-18-2015 22:05 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just an FYI, whether I know you or not if you're a guy and you send me a friend request and your profile picture is you in a mirror shirtless mmm bye bye.
←Rate | 12-18-2015 22:23 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon That Star Wars movie was BS! No Capt. Kirk! No Spock! No Scotty....Not even the Enterprise...😡
←Rate | 12-19-2015 06:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Teach your child what's going on in the world by telling them Santa was killed in a drone strike in a no fly zone; or he's being held up in the vetting process.
←Rate | 12-19-2015 07:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Binary math is as easy as 01 10 11
←Rate | 12-19-2015 07:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Huge spoiler here....... Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. I know, right?!?!?
←Rate | 12-19-2015 08:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon * Throws dart... ME: Let's vacation wherever this dart lands... * Dart misses map and lands in kittylitter box... ME: OK,,, Mexico it is then
←Rate | 12-19-2015 14:30 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saying there is a huge azz line at Wal-mart is both ambiguous and redundant.
←Rate | 12-19-2015 16:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon lamophobia is the new Race Card.
←Rate | 12-19-2015 16:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I want for Cristmas is to go to Walmart and there be no people
←Rate | 12-19-2015 17:05 Comments (1)  

   messageicon OK...WHO PUT TURBOLAX IN MY COFFEE ? I had Other crap to do today !
←Rate | 12-20-2015 14:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon While at self check out... "Do I get an employee discount, now?"
←Rate | 12-20-2015 17:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon If $ex is a pain in the a$$ you're doing it wrong, that's not what that hole is for. . .
←Rate | 12-20-2015 17:17 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anyone ever noticed that Caitlin Jenner has man hands?
←Rate | 12-20-2015 18:36 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so frustrating when your hitman doesn't answer the phone after you've made amends with someone
←Rate | 12-20-2015 20:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't even think it's possible for a bear to cook porridge.
←Rate | 12-20-2015 20:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing 89 years of age and the recent recipient of a brand new plastic hip, Joseph "Blue" Polaski.
←Rate | 12-20-2015 21:12 Comments (0)  

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