Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart. One will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 07:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy B-day United States Marine Corps 240 years of Bad Assery
←Rate | 11-10-2015 09:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If anything should offend you about Starbucks, it's the price of their coffee.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 10:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No skirt girl just left. She asked if she could wear my shirt home since it was longer than her dress. One less shirt to pack.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 11:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why I love Asia: I wanted a hooker. Called service. Said I didn't know what I wanted. They sent a van with 10 girls and let me choose.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 11:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Slept alone last night. Very nice. You would be surprised how many girls snore.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 11:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon man merely a mistake of G0d's? Or G0d merely a mistake of man?
←Rate | 11-10-2015 11:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife started clipping coupons to help save us money. She keeps them in her $300 Coach purse.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 12:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife found out that I was cheating. How? She found the letters I'd been hiding. She got real mad and said she'd never play Scrabble with me ever again.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 12:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 13:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you text me and ask me what I'm doing and I tell you "nothing", that isn't an open invitation for you to suggest things for me to do. I already have plans. I'm doing NOTHING!!
←Rate | 11-10-2015 14:27 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love my women like I love my coffee beans. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across Central America.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 15:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my women like I like my golf scores. In the 80s with a slight handicap.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 15:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You have 200 pictures of only your face? You must be sooooo thin.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 17:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you order your coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is "Merry Christmas"
←Rate | 11-10-2015 17:33 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shut up about the red cup and drink your fkn coffee. #StarbucksRedCup
←Rate | 11-10-2015 18:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just want to find a radio station that isn't playing the new Adele song,,,, is that too much to ask.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 19:59 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yep, no one will notice you're fat if you use a dog or little kids for a profile pic.
←Rate | 11-10-2015 21:24 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 11-10-2015 22:42 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  

←Rate | 11-10-2015 22:44 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  

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