Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I don't feel like doing anything today and I hope I can muster enough energy to do that.

   Kill Whitey - Beyonce probably

   Hillary's campaign manager: "Try being less of a c*nt..."

   My morning routine includes 20 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

   Do I have a date for Valentine's day? Yes, It's February 14th!

   We should make politicians wear shock collars that go off each time they lie.

   Press 1 for English.....Who do I get? A Filipino speaking broken English....Sheesh! Hang up, try again.

   I know being single on Valentines Day can suck, but it's so much better than dating some idiot.

   When I see rich, snooty looking women at the grocery store, I pretend to need something, and say, "Excuse me, do you work here?" just to keep things real.

   My engine brings all the mechanics to the yard,,, and I'm like, You better fix cars...

   SON: There's a monster under my bed... ME: That's monsters' name is Mark, he lives there now... SON: Wha????... ME: times are tough, we need the cash... MARK: I'm trying to sleep

   As a little joke I put glitter in my tax-return envelope and the IRS responded with a little joke that I owe $ 11,000 in back taxes.

   Promise me that when you leave Facebook, you guys will tell me where you're going, unlike that time you all ditched me on MySpace.

   ....... I was thinking ...... Considering the state of affairs in this country .... We should make politicians wear shock collars that go off each time they lie. Most would die of severe electrocution!

   Public media: "A place where you discover that people you once respected" don't have character.

   9 months before I was born, I went to a party with my Dad and left with my Mom.

   Basic Women Problem: When all of your friends are having babies and you're upgrading to $20 bottles of wine.

   Why do people wear pink camo? Perhaps they are hunting for flamingos.

   Ever Since the 80's , my little head has been affected with the "Seka Virus"

   Welcome to the first meeting of OCD Anonymous. We'll get started as soon as you STOP TURNING THE LIGHTS ON AND OFF, SUSAN!!