Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 5138 of 5313

   messageicon 2016 New Year's resolution: Tell your wife/girlfriend (or both) that every time they give you a BJ, you are going to put a dollar in an envelope. At the end of the year, you will use that money to buy her 2016 Christmas gift. More money = Nicer gift.
←Rate | 12-04-2015 08:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sweariest animal in all the world, is the hippopottymouth. Closely followed by me after a visit from the code enforcement officer
←Rate | 12-04-2015 10:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew my Girl was cheating on me when she said she was at the mall with Chelsea but Chelsea was laying right next to me. SMH
←Rate | 12-04-2015 12:12 by Ajdo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tonights orgy is canceled guys. Jerry has diarrhea...
←Rate | 12-04-2015 18:29 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Obama, get your head out of your a$$, and start protecting the American people.
←Rate | 12-04-2015 20:17 Comments (3)  


   messageicon That's ok about the cancellation,, Cuz I went on a date with a dolphin today,, Yeah, we just clicked.
←Rate | 12-04-2015 20:26 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are like clouds, when they go away, the day gets brigher.
←Rate | 12-04-2015 22:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupid autocorrect always making me say things I didn't Nintendo.
←Rate | 12-05-2015 02:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many moons ago,,, Apparently, We had more than one moon
←Rate | 12-05-2015 03:39 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My greatest fear is that I'll have on dirty underwear & the emergency first responders will just leave me to die... * I blame my mom for this
←Rate | 12-05-2015 05:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gross. A stranger just smiled at me.
←Rate | 12-05-2015 07:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon over the river and through the woods, man this Uber driver is lost
←Rate | 12-05-2015 11:18 by darthdav Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eyebrows so big and arched, you think you're seeing double in St Louis
←Rate | 12-05-2015 13:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lazy is as lazy doesn't.
←Rate | 12-05-2015 15:14 by Nipper Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd lilke to thank my dealer for today, I'm halfway through my businesss day and haven't killed anyone. You sir are a true Hero.
←Rate | 12-05-2015 16:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day..
←Rate | 12-05-2015 19:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Kiss me" she said. "Kiss me like I've never been kissed before"....So I crammed my tongue up her nose.
←Rate | 12-05-2015 19:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
←Rate | 12-05-2015 19:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does a redhead with whiskey in her pocket qualify as rye n ginger?
←Rate | 12-05-2015 20:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I heard Justin Bieber is going transgender to become a man. He is going to use the name Bruce Jenner. He has already been awarded 936 man of the year awards too
←Rate | 12-06-2015 06:37 by Mike Youngman Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left