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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Dogs: This homework looks hard....Do you want me to eat it?
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02-10-2016 15:14
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Females are simple bro: With them, Yes means Yes, & No means Yes, & No means No, & No means Maybe, but Maybe means Yes, and Maybe means No.....
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02-10-2016 15:18
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Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I'll kill you.
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02-10-2016 15:44
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I've been a HUGE fan of Bernie Sanders ever since he and Marty McFly went Back To The Future!
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02-10-2016 18:31
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My super power is making conversations awkward by constantly adjusting my nuts while you talk.
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02-10-2016 19:38 by
snotty
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"PLAY FREE BIRD!" -Me, drunk, at the Symphony
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02-10-2016 20:58 by
snotty
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If your refund is more than you paid in taxes. You aren't getting YOUR TAXES back. You're getting MY TAXES back.
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02-10-2016 22:10 by
BEGO
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Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ♥ LOL JK, I have to pee.
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02-10-2016 22:36 by
Shoot2Thrill
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Instead of celebrating Valentine's Day this year my wife and I will be celebrating... "Discount chocolate ovedose Monday....."
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02-11-2016 01:42
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Madonna is 57, her boyfriend is 24. Tina Turner is 77, her boyfriend is 42. J Lo is 46, her boyfriend is 28. Still single? Relax, your boyfriend isn't even born yet.
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02-11-2016 05:35
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Just found my coffee in the microwave for the 7th time today.
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02-11-2016 05:43
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Each month has an average of 30-31 days....except the last month of pregnancy, which has 1453 days.
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02-11-2016 05:46
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Bikini season is just around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the taco food truck.
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02-11-2016 05:48
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How to be happy on Valentines Day: Don't expect a goddamn thing from anyone.
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02-11-2016 05:51
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Inspirational Quote For Today: Drink some coffee, put on some gangster rap and handle it.
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02-11-2016 05:54
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They say money doesn't being you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....
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02-11-2016 05:57
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Let's get rid of Valentines Day and replace it with a second Halloween.
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02-11-2016 06:00
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Men: I don't always scream like a little girl. But when I do, it's because my wife just put her cold, undead feet on my body.
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02-11-2016 06:04
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Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
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02-11-2016 06:06
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My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
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02-11-2016 06:09
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