Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I can't believe America has become Fascist Country.

   Eating beans and an egg salad sandwich...this silent treatment from the wife should end in roughly 2 hours.

   You wanted Obama's birth certificate...well we want Sarah Palin's High School diploma

   I miss the days when I was smarter than my parents.

   Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.

   "For birthdays, someone will blow air and spit on candles and a cake. Then—hear me out—people will eat it." -- the guy that invented birthday parties

   Adele is an amazing singer. The problem is, when one of her songs comes on, everyone else thinks they are, too

   Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."

   Oh so you are tired of someone asking for their money back that you borrowed from them? How annoying of them. Here is a thought....PAY THEM BACK! They won't ask anymore.

   Just once I wanna see someone climbing Mt Everest with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth.

   To convert Celsius to Fahrenheit,, you double the number in Celsius and add thirty.. To convert someone to Mormonism,, you double the wives and add 10 kids.

   Ever danced so badly that the dog dry heaved?... * Asking for a friend.

   I buy all my snowstorm supplies at the liquor store

   Olympics to Allow Pre-Op M-to-F Transsexuals to Compete..... So there will now be drag races in the Olympics?

   "I'll have the Anti-sleeping Prescription" ..."Sir, those are kids" ..."Gimme two"

   Will Bernie Sanders still be alive at election time? Will Hillary get more Navy Seals killed and ignore the facts? Times up in 10 months Obama!!

   Its so cold outside that by the time I walked back to the car, the footlong I got at Subway shrunk to a 6 inch..

   It is so cold outside that by the time I walked back to the car, the footlong I got at Subway shrunk to a 6 inch.

   Please watch for black the black ice #blackicematters

   People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that's called a Turn Signal.